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    Correction/Oral

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Correction/Oral
    Message de haribo44 posté le 16-12-2015 à 00:35:37 (S | E | F)
    Hello,
    I'm preparing an oral exam (niv. B1; to take next Friday), and I would like to know if first, there are mistakes and then, if the text is coherent! I should to try to convince my friend or a group of people to donate money to the Dian Fossey Fund.
    I'll probably do an audio file tomorrow to know if my pronunciation is better than before
    Many thanks for your help!

    Hello everyone! My name is Maëlle, I’m a member of the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund. It’s very nice to meet you. Today, we are here for talking about gorilla’s condition. A condition, which was for a long-time defended by an astonishing woman, Dian Fossey. Have you never heard about her? This gorilla expert who devoted her whole life to these massive monkeys. She was worth admiring and was definitely someone to look up to! Guess what I’m just telling you. Just fancy that, I’m now speaking of the most fascinating story about gorillas!

    To follow her dream, Dian Fossey went to Africa (in Zaire and then Rwanda jungles) to observe mountain gorillas because she was determined to make contact with them. She learnt a lot and over the years, although gorillas are dangerous wild animals, she managed to sit in the middle of a group. Do you see? she reached her goal of making friends with them, of having a close contact! She achieved so much; but sadly, one day, her favourite gorilla was killed by poachers! That was why she became an activist fighting against poachers, she did her best to protect and save them from extinction. She was first-rate, the bravest woman I’ve ever heard of! Of course many people opposed her work and she was certainly threatened many times. Poor woman, she died because of her work!

    In spite of her efforts and determination paid off, gorillas were and are yet greatly endangered! They are hunted down for their meat, their fur, their body parts (for example their hands) which are sell to tourists as trophies! Aren’t you shocked to know that? Aren’t you shocked to see gorillas killed every day like this? Imagine that you are a gorilla who I’m tracking because I want you to have your hands as a trophy. Imagine, put yourself in these animals who, despite themselves, share more than 98 percent of common DNA with us! Would you like to meet the same fate as the others? It’s vital to forbid all sort of animal trafficking! They also suffer from deforestation which destroys their habitat! If you don’t donate money to the fund, we won’t able to preserve their natural habitat which is destroyed by deforestation!

    If we don’t make something, these animals will disappear.
    If you don’t help us, these animals will disappear.
    If you don’t do anything, we’re not able to continue the Dian Fossey work about poachers.

    It would help raise money and we would do something concrete to save these animals. Don’t you think it’s a good idea?

    Dian Fossey is now considered as a role model for what she did for the protection of gorillas and we, you should continue her work by donating money to the fund. Because whatever happened, she never gave up and she always overcome the difficulties.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 16-12-2015 07:22


    Réponse: Correction/Oral de gerondif, postée le 16-12-2015 à 00:48:40 (S | E)
    Hello,
    erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert
    Hello everyone! My name is Maëlle, I’m a member of the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund. It’s very nice to meet you. Today, we are here for talking(pour + verbe exprimant un but = to + base verbele.example: I am here to help you) about gorilla’s(pluriel) condition. A condition, which was for a long-time defended by an astonishing woman, Dian Fossey. Have you never heard about(of) her? This gorilla expert who devoted her whole life to these massive monkeys. She was worth admiring and was definitely someone to look up to! Guess what I’m just telling you. Just fancy that, I’m now speaking of (vous ne parlez pas d'une histoire, vous allez la raconter)the most fascinating story about gorillas!

    To follow her dream, Dian Fossey went to Africa (in Zaire and then Rwanda jungles) to observe mountain gorillas because she was determined to make contact with them. She learnt a lot and over the years, although gorillas are dangerous wild animals, she managed to sit in the middle of a group. Do you see(veut dire quoi? j'aurais pensé au verbe imagine)? she reached her goal of making friends with them, of having a close contact! She achieved so much; but sadly, one day, her favourite gorilla was killed by poachers! That was why she became an activist fighting against poachers, she did her best to protect and save them from extinction. She was first-rate, the bravest woman I’ve ever heard of! Of course many people opposed her work and she was certainly threatened many times. Poor woman, she died because of her work!

    In spite of(vous confondez en dépit de, malgré comme préposition(in spite of) et "bien que" (malgré que en moins bon français) = although) her efforts and determination paid off, gorillas were and are yet greatly endangered! They are hunted down for their meat, their fur, their body parts (for example their hands) which are sell to tourists as trophies! Aren’t you shocked to know that? Aren’t you shocked to see gorillas killed every day like this? Imagine that you are a gorilla who I’m tracking because I want you to have your hands as a trophy. Imagine, put yourself in these animals' shoes (se mettre à leur place?) who, despite themselves, share more than 98 percent of common DNA with us! Would you like to meet the same fate as the others? It’s vital to forbid all sort of animal trafficking! They also suffer from (pour moi, suffer from est suivi d'une maladie, j'aurais dit qu'ils souffrent à cause de la déforestation, ils ne souffrent pas de déforestation) deforestation which destroys their habitat! If you don’t donate money to the fund, we won’t be able to preserve their natural habitat which is destroyed by deforestation!

    If we don’t make something, these animals will disappear.
    If you don’t help us, these animals will disappear.
    If you don’t do anything, we’re not able (un futur irait mieux) to continue the Dian Fossey work about poachers.

    It would help raise money and we would do something concrete to save these animals. Don’t you think it’s a good idea?

    Dian Fossey is now considered as a role model for what she did for the protection of gorillas and we, you should continue her work by donating money to the fund. Because whatever happened, she never gave up and she always overcome (prétérit irrégulier) the difficulties.



    Réponse: Correction/Oral de janorton, postée le 16-12-2015 à 01:50:10 (S | E)
    Hello,
    Your errors below are in blue.

    Hello everyone! My name is Maëlle, I’m a member of the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund. It’s very nice to meet you. Today, we are here for talking(try a different preposition/verb tense here) about gorilla’s condition(expanding this sounds better here, 'the condition of gorillas'). A condition(pluralise and change sentence accordingly), which was for a long-time defended by an astonishing woman, Dian Fossey. Have you never heard about her? This gorilla expert who devoted her whole life to these massive monkeys(Gorillas are not monkeys, they are apes). She was worth admiring and was definitely someone to look up to! Guess what I’m just telling you(this doesn't make much sense). Just fancy that, I’m now speaking of the most fascinating story about gorillas!(This doesn't make too much sense here either)

    To follow her dream, Dian Fossey went to Africa (in Zaire and then Rwanda jungles('the Rwandan jungles' or Rwanda's jungles')) to observe mountain gorillas because she was determined to make contact with them. She learnt a lot and over the years, although gorillas are dangerous wild animals, she managed to sit in the middle of a group. Do you see?(doesn't quite work here) she reached her goal of making friends with them, of having a close contact! She achieved so much; but sadly, one day, her favourite gorilla was killed by poachers! That was why she became an activist fighting against poachers, she did her best to protect and save them from extinction. She was first-rate, the bravest woman I’ve ever heard of! Of course many people opposed her work and she was certainly threatened many times. Poor woman, she died because of her work!

    In spite of her efforts and determination (missing a conjunction) paid off, gorillas were and are yet(wrong word) greatly endangered! They are hunted down for their meat, their fur,(use 'and' for the last item in a sequence) their body parts (for example their hands) which are sell(wrong tense) to tourists as trophies! Aren’t you shocked to know('hear' is better here) that? Aren’t you shocked to see gorillas killed every day like this? Imagine that you are a gorilla('Imagine yourself as a...." is a better way of saying this) who I’m tracking because I want you to have your hands as a trophy. Imagine, put yourself in these animals who, despite themselves,(clumsy) share more than 98 percent of common DNA with us! Would you like to meet the same fate as the others? It’s vital to forbid all sort('every sort' or 'all sorts') of animal trafficking! They also suffer from deforestation which destroys their habitat! If you don’t donate money to the fund, we won’t able to preserve their natural habitat which is(future tense) destroyed by deforestation!

    If we don’t make(wrong word) something, these animals will disappear.
    If you don’t help us, these animals will disappear.
    If you don’t do anything, we’re not able to(future tense) continue the Dian Fossey work about poachers(rephrase this, what are you doing to or about the poachers)).

    It would help raise money and we would do something concrete to save these animals. Don’t you think it’s a good idea?

    Dian Fossey is now considered as a role model for what she did for the protection of gorillas and we, you(choose we or you, not both) should continue her work by donating money to the fund. Because (comma) whatever(clumsy, try another conjunction) happened, she never gave up and she always overcome(wrong tense) the difficulties.


    It is a little clumsy in places but it is generally coherent, if you fix up these mistakes and post again we can look at making it more coherent.



    Réponse: Correction/Oral de haribo44, postée le 27-12-2015 à 19:17:20 (S | E)
    Hello,
    My teacher was finally absent this week...
    I tried to correct all of the mistakes you found!
    Thank you!

    Hello everyone! My name is Maëlle, I’m a member of the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund. It’s very nice to meet you. Today, we are here to talk about the condition of gorillas. These conditions, which were for a long-time defended by an astonishing woman, Dian Fossey. Have you never heard of her? This gorilla expert who devoted her whole life to these massive apes(I didn't know this word, thanks!). She was worth admiring and was definitely someone to look up to! Guess what I’m just telling you. Just fancy that, I’m now going to tell you of the most fascinating story about gorillas! (I should use two of this expressions)

    To follow her dream, Dian Fossey went to Africa (to, at? dans les jungles du Zaire et après du Rwanda, les deux) Zairen and then Rwandan jungles) to observe mountain gorillas because she was determined to make contact with them. She learnt a lot and over the years, although gorillas are dangerous wild animals, she managed to sit in the middle of a group. Do you see? (non, dans le sens voyez-vous?) she reached her goal of making friends with them, of having a close contact! She achieved so much; but sadly, one day, her favourite gorilla was killed by poachers! That was why she became an activist fighting against poachers, she did her best to protect and save them from extinction. She was first-rate, the bravest woman I’ve ever heard of! Of course many people opposed her work and she was certainly threatened many times. Poor woman, she died because of her work!

    In spite of (I use this expression because I already wrote 'although'..) her efforts and determination paid off, gorillas were and are again greatly endangered! They are hunted down for their meat, their fur, their body parts (for example their hands) which are sold to tourists as trophies! Aren’t you shocked to heard that? Aren’t you shocked to see gorillas killed every day like this?
    Imagine yourself as a gorilla who I’m tracking because I want to have your hands as a trophy (I really want to emphasise in the fact).
    Imagine, put yourself in these animals' shoes (dans leurs chaussures??; oui "mettez-vous à la place de ces animaux qui,...") who, despite themselves, share more than 98 percent of common DNA with us! Would you like to meet the same fate as the others? It’s vital to forbid all sorts of animal trafficking! They also suffer due to the deforestation which destroys their habitat! If you don’t donate money to the fund, we won’t be able to preserve their natural habitat which will be ? destroyed by deforestation!

    If we aren't able to do something, these animals will disappear.
    If you don’t help us, these animals will disappear.
    If you don’t do anything, we won't be able to continue the Dian Fossey work about poachers (I know I should delete it but.??).

    It would help raise money and we would do something concrete to save these animals. Don’t you think it’s a good idea?

    Dian Fossey is now considered as a role model for what she did for the protection of gorillas and for all of you, we (is it better?) should continue her work by donating money to the fund. Because whatever happened, she never gave up and she always overcame the difficulties.



    Réponse: Correction/Oral de haribo44, postée le 27-12-2015 à 19:19:40 (S | E)
    Could anybody help me to correct my mistakes , please ?




    Réponse: Correction/Oral de gerondif, postée le 27-12-2015 à 19:54:53 (S | E)
    Bonsoir,
    évitez de laisser les erreurs car quand on copie votre texte pour le corriger, tout est écrit sans couleur et "mélangé", le bon et le mauvais.....
    Hello everyone! My name is Maëlle, I’m a member of the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund. It’s very nice to meet you. Today, we are here for talking to talk about the condition of gorillas.(Mettez une virgule, sinon, la phrase suivante est incomplète) These conditions, which were for a long-time defended by an astonishing woman, Dian Fossey.

    Have you never heard of her? This gorilla expert who devoted her whole life to these massive apes. She was worth admiring and was definitely someone to look up to! Guess what I’m just (je mettrais plutôt un futur proche en going to)telling you. Just fancy that (n'a pas trop sa place ici), I’m now going to tell you of the most fascinating story about gorillas! (I should use two of this expressions)

    To follow her dream, Dian Fossey went to Africa to the Zairen and then the Rwandan jungles to observe mountain gorillas because she was determined to make contact with them. She learnt a lot and over the years, although gorillas are dangerous wild animals, she managed to sit in the middle of a group. Do you see? (mettez plutôt Can you imagine that ?/ Can you believe it ?) she reached her goal of making friends with them, of having a close contact! She achieved so much; but sadly, one day, her favourite gorilla was killed by poachers! That was why she became an activist fighting against poachers, she did her best to protect and save them from extinction. She was first-rate, the bravest woman I’ve ever heard of! Of course many people opposed her work and she was certainly threatened many times. Poor woman, she died because of her work!

    In spite of(est une préposition, or il vous faut une conjonction, mettez though) her efforts and determination paid off, gorillas were and are again ( il vous faut le encore au sens de toujours, pas le encore again au sens de encore une nouvelle fois)greatly endangered! They are hunted down for their meat, their fur, their body parts (for example their hands) which are sold to tourists as trophies! Aren’t you shocked to heard(infinitf!) that? Aren’t you shocked to see gorillas killed every day like this?
    Imagine that you are yourself as a gorilla who I’m tracking because I want you to have your hands as a trophy
    Imagine, put yourself in these animals' shoes who, despite themselves(sens?), share more than 98 percent of common DNA with us! Would you like to meet the same fate as the others? It’s vital to forbid all sorts of(any suffirait) animal trafficking! They also suffer because of deforestation which destroys their habitat! If you don’t donate money to the fund, we won’t be able to preserve their natural habitat which will be ? destroyed by deforestation!

    If we aren't able to do something, these animals will disappear.
    If you don’t help us, these animals will disappear.
    If you don’t do anything, we won't be able to continue the Dian Fossey work about (mettez plutôt contre) poachers .

    It would help to raise money (il vaudrait mieux dire: Raising money would help a great deal) and we would do something concrete to save these animals. Don’t you think it’s a good idea?

    Dian Fossey is now considered as a role model for what she did for the protection of gorillas and for all of you, we should continue her work by donating money to the fund. Because whatever happened, she never gave up and she always overcame the difficulties.



    Réponse: Correction/Oral de haribo44, postée le 30-12-2015 à 10:31:07 (S | E)
    Bonjour,
    Merci encore pour vos corrections!

    Hello everyone! My name is Maëlle, I’m a member of the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund. It’s very nice to meet you. Today, we are here to talk about the condition of gorillas, these conditions, which were for a long-time defended by an astonishing woman, Dian Fossey. Have you never heard of her? This gorilla expert who devoted her whole life to these massive apes. She was worth admiring and was definitely someone to look up to! Guess what I’m going to tell you. I’m now going to tell you of the most fascinating story about gorillas!

    To follow her dream, Dian Fossey went to Africa to the Zairen and then the Rwandan jungles to observe mountain gorillas because she was determined to make contact with them. She learnt a lot and over the years, although gorillas are dangerous wild animals, she managed to sit in the middle of a group. Can you believe it? She reached her goal of making friends with them, of having a close contact! She achieved so much; but sadly, one day, her favourite gorilla was killed by poachers! That was why she became an activist fighting against poachers, she did her best to protect and save them from extinction. She was first-rate, the bravest woman I’ve ever heard of! Of course many people opposed her work and she was certainly threatened many times. Poor woman, she died because of her work!

    Though her efforts and determination paid off, gorillas were and still are greatly endangered! They are hunted down for their meat, their fur, their body parts (for example their hands) which are sold to tourists as trophies! Aren’t you shocked to heard that? Aren’t you shocked to see gorillas killed every day like this?
    Imagine yourself as a gorilla who I’m tracking because I want to have your hands as a trophy.
    Imagine, put yourself in these animals' shoes who, despite them (malgré eux), share more than 98 percent of common DNA with us! Would you like to meet the same fate as the others? It’s vital to forbid any animal trafficking! They also suffer because of deforestation which destroys their habitat! If you don’t donate money to the fund, we won’t be able to preserve their natural habitat which will be ? destroyed by deforestation!

    If we aren't able to do something, these animals will disappear.
    If you don’t help us, these animals will disappear.
    If you don’t do anything, we won't be able to continue the Dian Fossey work against poachers.

    Raising money would help a great deal and we would do something concrete to save these animals. Don’t you think it’s a good idea?

    Dian Fossey is now considered as a role model for what she did for the protection of gorillas and for all of you, we should continue her work by donating money to the fund. Because whatever happened, she never gave up and she always overcame the difficulties.



    Réponse: Correction/Oral de gerondif, postée le 30-12-2015 à 12:49:23 (S | E)
    Bonjour,

    Hello everyone! My name is Maëlle, I’m a member of the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund. It’s very nice to meet you. Today, we are here to talk about the condition of gorillas, these conditions, which were for a long-time defended by an astonishing woman, Dian Fossey. Have you never heard of her? This gorilla expert who devoted her whole life to these massive apes. She was worth admiring and was definitely someone to look up to! Guess what I’m going to tell you. I’m now going to tell you of the most fascinating story about gorillas!

    To follow her dream, Dian Fossey went to Africa to the Zairen and then the Rwandan jungles to observe mountain gorillas because she was determined to make contact with them. She learnt a lot and over the years, although gorillas are dangerous wild animals, she managed to sit in the middle of a group. Can you believe it? She reached her goal of making friends with them, of having a close contact! She achieved so much; but sadly, one day, her favourite gorilla was killed by poachers! That was why she became an activist fighting against poachers, she did her best to protect and save them from extinction. She was first-rate, the bravest woman I’ve ever heard of! Of course many people opposed her work and she was certainly threatened many times. Poor woman, she died because of her work!

    Though her efforts and determination paid off, gorillas were and still are greatly endangered! They are hunted down for their meat, their fur, their body parts (for example their hands) which are sold to tourists as trophies! Aren’t you shocked to heard(infinitif derrière to!!) that? Aren’t you shocked to see gorillas killed every day like this?
    Imagine yourself as a gorilla who I’m tracking because I want to have your hands as a trophy.
    Imagine, put yourself in these animals' shoes who, despite them (malgré eux),
    ça ne veut rien dire, malgré eux, c'est comme si je disais, j'ai dix orteils au pied malgré moi; je pense qu'il faudrait l'adverbe actually (en réalité) pour souligner la proximité génétique entre le singe et nous), ou alors l'adverbe:
    unwittingly adv (without intention) sans le faire exprès loc adv involontairement adv
    share more than 98 percent of common DNA with us! Would you like to meet the same fate as the others? It’s vital to forbid any animal trafficking! They also suffer because of deforestation which destroys their habitat! If you don’t donate money to the fund, we won’t be able to preserve their natural habitat which will be destroyed by deforestation!

    If we aren't able to do something, these animals will disappear.(c'est lourd, ce aren't able to, essayez: if we refuse to....., if we keep doing nothing...)
    If you don’t help us, these animals will disappear.
    If you don’t do anything, we won't be able to continue the Dian Fossey work against poachers.

    Raising money would help a great deal and we would do something concrete to save these animals. Don’t you think it’s a good idea?

    Dian Fossey is now considered as a role model for what she did for the protection of gorillas and for all of you (pour vous tous, all of you ? ou pour nous tous , all of us?).Mettez un point et commencez une nouvelle phrase). We should continue her work by donating money to the fund. Because whatever happened, she never gave up and she always overcame the difficulties.





    Réponse: Correction/Oral de haribo44, postée le 31-12-2015 à 14:49:05 (S | E)
    Bonjour,

    Hello everyone! My name is Maëlle, I’m a member of the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund. It’s very nice to meet you. Today, we are here to talk about the condition of gorillas, these conditions, which were for a long-time defended by an astonishing woman, Dian Fossey. Have you never heard of her? This gorilla expert who devoted her whole life to these massive apes. She was worth admiring and was definitely someone to look up to! Guess what I’m going to tell you. I’m now going to tell you of the most fascinating story about gorillas!

    To follow her dream, Dian Fossey went to Africa to the Zairen and then the Rwandan jungles to observe mountain gorillas because she was determined to make contact with them. She learnt a lot and over the years, although gorillas are dangerous wild animals, she managed to sit in the middle of a group. Can you believe it? She reached her goal of making friends with them, of having a close contact! She achieved so much; but sadly, one day, her favourite gorilla was killed by poachers! That was why she became an activist fighting against poachers, she did her best to protect and save them from extinction. She was first-rate, the bravest woman I’ve ever heard of! Of course many people opposed her work and she was certainly threatened many times. Poor woman, she died because of her work!

    Though her efforts and determination paid off, gorillas were and still are greatly endangered! They are hunted down for their meat, their fur, their body parts (for example their hands) which are sold to tourists as trophies! Aren’t you shocked to hear that? Aren’t you shocked to see gorillas killed every day like this?
    Imagine yourself as a gorilla who I’m tracking because I want to have your hands as a trophy.
    Imagine, put yourself in these animals' shoes who, unwittingly share more than 98 percent of common DNA with us! Would you like to meet the same fate as the others? It’s vital to forbid any animal trafficking! They also suffer because of deforestation which destroys their habitat! If you don’t donate money to the fund, we won’t be able to preserve their natural habitat which will be destroyed by deforestation!

    If we keep doing nothing, these animals will disappear.
    If you don’t help us, these animals will disappear.
    If you don’t do anything, we won't be able to continue the Dian Fossey work against poachers.

    Raising money would help a great deal and we would do something concrete to save these animals. Don’t you think it’s a good idea?

    Dian Fossey must be considered as a role model for what she did for the protection of gorillas and for all of us. We should continue her work by donating money to the fund. Because whatever happened, she never gave up and she always overcame the difficulties.




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