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Message de kan70 posté le 13-02-2016 à 12:58:48 (S | E | F)
Je vous envoie mon oral de Bac sur le thème Espaces et Echanges. Je souhaiterais avoir une correction, s'il vous plait.
"The notion of «Spaces and exchanges» allows to know better the realities of our world: indeed, the countries are linked through many exchanges, in various forms, changing sometimes their history and their society. The USA is a country founded by immigrants and remained the land of the freedom for millions of people in searching of hope. Yet, there are many contrasts in its history, as the case of the Blacks among others. What images of a land of welcome give the United States?
We will begin to speak of The Statue of Liberty, which symbolizes the ideals of the USA. In the poem «The New Colossus» by Emma Lazarus, she is a woman illuminating the world, which welcomes the poor immigrants and heats them like a mother. For immigrants, its light represents the hope for a new life, far from poverty, despair and suffering. Consequently, she is named «Mother of Exiles.»
But, America isn't a country of hope and bliss for everybody: Black people suffered from slavery and later from great discriminations. Black intellectuals struggled against the segregation. Langston Hughes, in «Mother to Son», evokes the hardships of his mother, a servant whose life was as stairs covered with tacks and splinters; yet, she climbed without giving up, so she wants her son not to lose his hope and to overcome all the dificulties. There is also a song remained famous for its gloomy depiction of lynchings of Black people in the Southern states, «Strange Fruit», interpreted by Billie Holliday, where Blacks hang to a branch like fruits and are eaten by the death's crows.
The USA are a very contrasted country, which have been a haven for millions of immigrants, but also an earth of slavery for Blacks during several centuries. I believe that America is constantly traversed by two ideas, one of liberty and progress, the other of barbary, as when the progressist Northern states fought the pro-slavery Southern states."
Par avance, merci.
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-02-2016 14:32
Modifié par kan70 le 13-02-2016 22:34
Modifié par kan70 le 13-02-2016 22:37
Réponse: Oral/Spaces and Exchanges de laure95, postée le 17-02-2016 à 11:49:38 (S | E)
Tu ne définis pas dans ton introduction les termes de la notion.Tu n'annonces pas ton plan.
- and remained: je mettrais au présent.
- What images of a land of welcome give the United States?: mal construit.
- We will begin to speak of: pas la bonne préposition.
- which welcomes: WHICH ne peut pas avoir pour antécédent une personne.
- Black intellectuals struggled against the (à enlever) segregation.
- yet, she climbed (climbed what?)without giving up,
- so she wants her son not to lose his (à enlever)hope
- dificulties: orthographe.
- The USA are a very contrasted country, which have been: conjugaison (sujet: country)
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