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    Correction/projet

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Correction/projet
    Message de shay33 posté le 21-05-2017 à 21:50:01 (S | E | F)
    Bonsoir à tous
    j'ai prochainement un oral sur le projet que j'ai fait durant toute cette année et j'aimerais avoir une correction de mon texte s'il vous plaît. 1 / 2
    Merci de votre aide

    Presentation of the theme and the problem

    1- Man-carried contamination
    The theme of our project is cosmetics. We decided to work on hand-borne contamination. Hand-borne contamination is the transmission of any germ by contact with the hands, because the hands are carrying pathogenic microorganisms present on the skin. This mode of transmission is the main cause of infections or illness. This mode of contamination allows the proliferation of germs and causes diseases. In the case of a potted cream and a daily use, the contamination is recurrent and important if there is no precaution taken by the user. Is our problem using a moisturizing cream with or without preservative harmful to our skin?
    In order to answer our problem, we will control the quality of 3 Nivéa product after use. We contaminated our 3 creams once a day by putting 2 finger in it uncleaned. We place our cream in a moist and dark place at room temperature, lid closed.
    Analyzes will be carried out every 7 days.

    2- Choice of creams
    First, we chose to test only the NIVEA moisturizer, but a problem has arisen with us regarding the excessive concentration of preservatives (citric acid) in this cream that would have distorted the final results. So we chose instead to make a negative control but to create two other creams made "home": a cream with natural preservative and another cream without preservative. For the creation of our house creams we have chosen an effective recipe with simple ingredients of acquisition .. The preservative that we used is a grapefruit seed extract because it is the most effective preservative. Moreover, it is natural and accessible.

    1- Manufacture and components of creams
    The choice of ingredients that make up our creams have been chosen for all types of consumers. Indeed we have sought to group the different needs into a cream to encompass all types of skins consumers.
    In a test tube, we mixed 5 ingredients:
    -Olive vegetable oil: fight against the aging of the skin. This oil protects and softens the skin.
    - Vegetable oil of grape seeds: regenerating and restructuring virtues on the skin.
    -Hydrolat of lavender: it cleans and repairs the skin, it refreshes and soothes it. Allows a good healing of the skin.
    -Aloe Vera: soothing, healing, moisturizing, regenerating, purifying, astringent,
    The emulsifying wax allows the realization of emulsions "water in oil" ideal to create a thick cream
    -The grapefruit seed extract makes it possible to prolong the life of cosmetic product
    2/2
    It is a preservative of natural origin, antibacterial and antifungal
    We homogenized the whole vortex, poured into a sterile empty agar and I brought it home to put them in the same conditions of use as a consumer (bathroom, closed lid, daily contamination.

    4- Evaluation of the hazards of a cream

    The first step is to investigate the presence of pathogens in order to evaluate the efficacy of the preservatives and their possible danger of use. :
    -Staphylococcus Aureus,
    -Pseudomonas Aeruginosa
    2 / 2
    -Candida Albicans.
    In this same manipulation, we look for the presence of a faecal contamination indicator to detect a hygiene failure during manufacture:
    -Escherichia Coli
    The second manipulation makes it possible to evaluate the Total Mesophile Flora (FMAT) which allows a general control of the finished product. Merci de votre aide

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 21-05-2017 22:04


    Réponse : Correction/projet de gerondif, postée le 22-05-2017 à 23:17:22 (S | E)
    Bonsoir.
    erreurs en bleu, corrections en vert.

    Presentation of the theme and the problem

    1- Man-carried contamination
    The theme of our project is cosmetics. We decided to work on hand-borne contamination. Hand-borne contamination is the transmission of any germ by contact with the hands (through hand-contact), because the hands are carrying(présent simple) pathogenic microorganisms present on the skin. This mode of transmission is the main cause of infections or illness. This mode of contamination allows the proliferation of germs and causes diseases. In the case of a potted cream and a daily use, the contamination is recurrent and important if there is no precaution taken by the user. Is our problem(mal ficelé, il faut dire: Our problem is: "Is using a moisturizing cream with or without preservative harmful to our skin?")

    In order to answer our problem, we will control the quality of 3 Nivéa product(pluriel) after use. We contaminated our 3 creams once a day by putting (two unwashed) finger(pluriel) in it uncleaned(mal placé). We place(prétérit) our cream in a moist and dark place at room temperature, lid closed.
    Analyzes will be(j'aurais mis were carried, furent effectuées) carried out every 7 days(maladroit: once a week, une fois par semaiene).

    2- The Choice of creams
    First, we chose to test only the NIVEA moisturizer, but a problem has arisen(il faut un prétérit car c'est implicitement daté)(la formulation est maladroite, on entend souvent: we met with a problem...) with us regarding the excessive concentration of preservatives (citric acid) in this cream that would have distorted the final results. So we chose instead to make a negative control but to create two other (home made)creams made "home": a cream with natural preservative and another cream without preservative. For the creation of our house creams we have chosen(prétérit) an effective recipe with simple ingredients of acquisition(sens ? des ingrédients faciles à obtenir ? dans ce cas, il faut un infinitf, comme dans easy to buy, easy to find, easy to come by) .. The preservative that we used is a grapefruit seed extract because it is the most effective preservative. Moreover, it is natural and accessible (easily found).

    1- Manufacture and components of creams
    The choice of ingredients that make up our creams have been chosen(prétérit) for all types of consumers. Indeed we have sought(prétérit) to group(drôle de choix de verbe, j'aurais dit répondre aux différents besoins en une seule crème) the different needs into a cream to encompass all types of skins consumers.(les consommateurs de peau ? Euh, j'aurais dit l'inverse all types of consumer skins, et dans un mot composé, le premier élément adjectival est en général invariable)
    In a test tube, we mixed 5 ingredients:
    -Olive vegetable oil: to fight (pour combattre) against the aging of the skin. This oil protects and softens the skin.
    - Vegetable oil of grape seeds (j'aurais fait un nom composé comme avec olive): regenerating and restructuring virtues on the skin.
    -Hydrolat of lavender (mot composé): it cleans and repairs the skin, it refreshes and soothes it. Allows a good healing of the skin.
    -Aloe Vera: soothing, healing, moisturizing, regenerating, purifying, astringent,
    The emulsifying wax allows the realization of emulsions "water in oil" ideal to create a thick cream
    -The grapefruit seed extract makes it possible to prolong (un peu rare comme verbe. to extend?) the life of the cosmetic product.

    It is a preservative of natural origin, antibacterial and antifungal.
    We homogenized the whole vortex,(? Pourquoi parler de tourbillon??) poured it into a sterile empty agar and I brought it home to put them(bizarre ce pluriel après I brought it home) in the same conditions of use as (que chez un consommateur)a consumer (bathroom, closed lid, daily contamination).

    4- Evaluation of the hazards (ce choix de mot me semble bizarre, pour moi hazards cz sont les risques d'incendie, de catastrophes naturelles...) of a cream

    The first step is (prétérit pour être cohérent avec les paragraphes précédents) to investigate the presence of pathogens in order to evaluate the efficacy (efficiency) of the preservatives and their possible danger of use :
    -Staphylococcus Aureus,
    -Pseudomonas Aeruginosa
    -Candida Albicans.
    In this same manipulation, we look(prétérit) for the presence of a faecal contamination indicator to detect a hygiene failure during manufacture:
    -Escherichia Coli
    The second manipulation makes it possible to evaluate the Total Mesophile Flora (FMAT) which allows a general control of the finished product.

    Bon maintenant, je vais me méfier quand je me mets de la Nivea sur le nez gercé en cas de rhume. Bon, en tube, il y a moins de risques mais du coup, vous n'auriez pas fait d'étude!




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