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Message de theavy posté le 13-06-2017 à 10:17:25
Bonjour tout le monde.
S’il vous plait, aidez-moi à trouver les erreurs de mon texte.
Merci pour votre aide.
Nowadays, there are many suicide bomb attacks in big cities around the world. In my opinion, I think that the diversity of religions is a part of source of intension. All religions are good and never had taught people do bad action and make violence. They have taught us do good action, intention and no discriminations. They make this problem because of they have different ideas and discriminate to other religions. But why they still do bad? Because of they have idea passion and ignorance of them. On the other hand, the religion is not one cause of bomb attacks. There are many factors that make this problem such as political and etc. Anyway, they want to have the power of nation and independence. For instance, ISIS is an Islamic group that always shows their power by bomb attacks because of they want their country have power. Finally, all religious should respect each together and no discrimination.
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-06-2017 13:54
Sujet polémique + correction toute faite.
Réponse : Correction/ traduction de truffe2miel, postée le 14-06-2017 à 00:10:49
Here my ideas ;)
In my opinion, I think (sounds redundant to me, as you opinion obviously is what you think. You could just say “It is my opinion that”), that the diversity of religions is
All religions are good (be careful, this is a statement on the core value of religions, so intrinsically not objective. Maybe you could change it to "all religions are to be respected / respectable).
and never had taught people do bad action and make violence (this is a wrong statement, as every holy books contain mentions of holy war and violence. Pure grammatical changes would sound as follow: "and have never taught people to commit bad actions or use violence).
They have taught us do good action (to be good / to behave well), intention and no discriminations (be well-intended and to not discriminate).
They (Who is they? Is seems unclear from your text, as you were just talking about religions...) make this problem (cause these problems) because of they have different ideas and discriminate to other religions. their different comprehension of other religions, inducing discrimination.
But why they still do bad? xxx
Because of they have idea passion and ignorance of them. I don't really understand what you mean : because they are feeling passionate about their own religion and are ignorant in the ways of others?
On the other hand, the religion is not one cause of bomb attacks. ("not the only cause of")
There are many factors that make this problem such as political and etc : Many other factors lead to them (the bomb attacks), like political ones. It is uncommon to cite only one example before adding "aso" - even in French ;)
Anyway, they want to have the power of nation and independence. (Again, who is this "they"? In this text, it would refer to "the factors", which doesn't make sense. Write it fully, like "these bomb attackers want". I'd also write "the power and independence of a full-fledged state", as a nation is a social group unified by history or Constitution. The technical words of power and independence refer more to the political status of a country - so a state).
For instance, ISIS is an Islamic group that always shows their (its) power by bomb attacks because
Finally, all religious (this is an adjective - so all religious people) should respect each together and no discrimination (not discriminate others). I'd rephrase it, though : Finally, all religions should praise mutual respect and discourage discrimination.
Modifié par lucile83 le 14-06-2017 08:59
Pas de rouge sur les forums, merci.