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    Lettre motivation/correction

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux || En bas

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    Lettre motivation/correction
    Message de rococo57 posté le 02-02-2019 à 00:54:00 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour,
    Je vous sollicite pour la relecture et éventuellement la correction de mon Personal Statement pour ma candidature en Msc dans une université anglaise.
    Je remercie d'avance les volontaires qui accepteront cette tâche.


    Engineers have always pushed the limits of what was possible and triumphed over seemingly impossible problems. They achieved through pure genius and ingenuity to redesign the world. They shape it and redefine it everyday by revolutionising the way people live. Among all the inventions ever made, I think that aircraft is one of the biggest technological marvel that changed society and how people travel or exchange.
    Since my tender childhood, I have always been keen about engineering. I have consistently enjoyed to solve problems and to understand the functioning of the devices around me. When I see something new, I feel the urge to know how its elements are connected and how they make it works. Knowing how airplanes fly was one of my biggest desire as a child. Living under an air lane next to France’s biggest airport during my childhood, I used to contemplate airplanes leaving and coming back. The ability of such a huge piece of metal and machinery to fly through the clouds and to travel thousands of kilometers amazed me and inspired me. Since then, my enthusiasm to learn more about aeronautics has never ceased to grow and I truly want to be part of this world and work in this field.
    My passion for engineering originates from an inquisitive mind and a thirst for knowledge. I crave for challenges and I like to solve demanding problems. The more stimulating the conundrum is, the more thrilling it is for me to find its solution. During my studies, this interest has been fostered by my love for mathematics and physics, which I have always excelled in. The beauty of mathematics lies in its pureness and the elegance of its results, whilst physics allowed me to comprehend nature’s phenomena.
    Nowadays, academic knowledge is not enough anymore to be a well-rounded engineer. Soft skills such as leadership, communication and organisation are paramount as well. While I have already proved these skills at school, these qualities also blossomed in my extra-curricular activities. Individualism is not an option for me, and I believe studying in an engineering school is an opportunity to flourish humanely. That is why I decided to get involved in many school organisations along these two years. Indeed, I had the chance to discover many new activities, which strengthened my maturity. In this context, I thus prepared forums and organised concerts for local bands. I also helped students from underprivileged backgrounds and raised funds for a humanitarian trip. Living these experiences contributed to make me more proactive and efficient in my everyday life and in my courses.
    I am eager to study aeronautics engineering since I have always aspired to work in this field. Your program will allow me to enhance my knowledge of this subject which I hold close to my heart. It will also be a genuine professional springboard.
    From Leonardo Da Vinci to the Wright brothers, including the Montgolfier brothers, several game-changing engineers have worked to make flying possible. I now want to make a contribution to this history in my turn. Those days when I looked at the airplanes in the sky are past. I have unfailingly made choices and strove for opportunities to reach my goals. With my experience and my knowledge of advanced mathematics and physics, I am confident that I am ready to take on this new challenge and to fulfill my childhood dream.

    -------------------
    Modifié par lucile83 le 02-02-2019 08:18



    Réponse : Lettre motivation/correction de here4u, postée le 02-02-2019 à 10:57:53 (S | E)
    Hello!

    I don't know whether I'll have enough time to do it in one go just now...

    Engineers have always pushed the limits of what was possible and triumphed over seemingly impossible problems. They achieved through pure genius and ingenuity to redesign the world.(Je commencerais la phrase par "Through pure genius...Il vaut mieux ne pas séparer un verbe de son COD ... ) They shape it and redefine it everyday by revolutionising the way people live. Among all the inventions ever made, I think that XXX aircraft? (rendez le général? ) is one of the biggest technological marvel that changed society and how people travel or exchange.
    Since my tender childhood, I have always been keen about engineering. I have consistently enjoyed to solve problems and to understand the functioning of the devices around me. When I see something new, I feel the urge to know how its elements are connected and how they make it works. Knowing how airplanes fly was one of my biggest desire as a child. Living under an air lane next to France’s biggest airport during my childhood, I used to contemplate airplanes leaving and coming back. The ability of such a huge piece of metal and machinery to fly through the clouds and to travel thousands of kilometers amazed me and inspired me. Since then, my enthusiasm to learn more about aeronautics has never ceased to grow and I truly want to be part of this world and work in this field.
    My passion for engineering originates from an inquisitive mind and a thirst for knowledge. I crave for challenges and I like to solve demanding problems. The more stimulating the conundrum (is), the more thrilling it is for me to find its solution. During my studies, this interest has been fostered by my love for mathematics and physics, which I have always excelled in. The beauty of mathematics lies in its pureness and the elegance of its results, whilst physics allowed me to comprehend nature’s phenomena.
    Nowadays, academic knowledge is not enough anymore (no longer enough)to be a well-rounded engineer. Soft skills such as leadership, communication and organisation are paramount as well. While I have already proved these skills at school, these qualities also blossomed in my extra-curricular activities. Individualism is not an option for me, and I believe studying in an engineering school is an opportunity to flourish humanely. That is why I decided to get involved in many school organisations along these two years. Indeed, I had the chance to discover many new activities, which strengthened my maturity. In this context, I thus prepared forums and organised concerts for local bands. I also helped students from underprivileged backgrounds and raised funds for a humanitarian trip. Living these experiences contributed to make(contribute to + ing) me more proactive and efficient in my everyday life and in my courses.
    I am eager to study aeronautics engineering since I have always aspired to work in this field. Your program will allow (would enable)me to enhance my knowledge of this subject which I hold close to my heart. It will also be a genuine professional springboard.
    From Leonardo Da Vinci to the Wright brothers, including the Montgolfier brothers, several game-changing engineers have worked to make flying possible. I now want to make a contribution to this history in my turn. Those days when I looked at the airplanes in the sky are past. I have unfailingly made choices and strove for opportunities to reach my goals. With my experience and my knowledge of advanced mathematics and physics, I am confident that I am ready to take on this new challenge and to fulfill my childhood dream.

    Pretty good!



    Réponse : Lettre motivation/correction de rococo57, postée le 02-02-2019 à 19:07:32 (S | E)
    Thank you very much for your help. I will correct the mistakes you spotted and hopefully I won't make them anymore.



    Réponse : Lettre motivation/correction de here4u, postée le 02-02-2019 à 22:54:15 (S | E)

    You're normally expected to correct them on this Forum... (for other people to take advantage of your corrections!




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